blank'/> Laughing Through the Silences: Can I get real with you for a minute?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Can I get real with you for a minute?

I'm gonna be honest...2012 was the hardest year thus far in my life.
It was completely miserable.
I don't even want to explain why. Don't get me wrong..some great things happened in 2012.
Honestly, I'm a completely different person now than I was a year and a half ago. The latter half of 2012 was so good for me. I grew a lot. I honestly did. I got over a lot of my fears and anxieties.

A year ago, I never would've gone anywhere alone.
Now I go to parties, games, and other events completely alone. It makes me feel extremely scared and vulnerable, but I still do it.

A year ago, the thought alone of driving gave me an anxiety attack.
Now I have my license and I actually enjoy driving.

A year ago, I would've cried myself to sleep 6 out of 7 days of the week.
Now it only happens..well, I won't say how often..but, a lot less often!

So, what I'm saying is that I've really changed a lot.

Angst. That word about sums up my feelings towards the year 2013.
The year that I graduate.
The year that I become a freshman again.
The year that I have to actually think about real life stuff.

2013 is the year that has been drilled into my mind since I was a child. Everybody always said that 2013 would be my graduation year and it didn't even seem like it would ever come. And, now that it's here, it still doesn't feel real.

Why am I feeling angst? Because I'm not ready. I'm not ready for anything. You know the parable of the 10 virgins? Well, I would be in the group that was unprepared for the coming of the bridegroom..except in this case, I feel unprepared for real life. I know my stuff, I do, but am I ready to DO stuff? Am I ready to take deadlines seriously? Am I ready to stop procrastinating? Why do I procrastinate, anyways? It's terrifying!! I'm such a fool.

Anyways..sorry. This isn't your typical New Years post. It's not about goals or anything. I know..I'm lame. My apologies.
This is me probably over thinking everything.
Oh well.


  1. 2012 was SUCH a hard year for me, too. But through it all, I honestly am so grateful for it. Because I wouldn't have learned anything from it if it weren't for my trials. I remember feeling the exact way you do now. I was literally freaking out about graduation. But change is inevitable. And you can't avoid it. Enjoy your senior year. Because it will fly by & soon enough, you'll be in a state of change once again. Find joy in it. You will be happy! I'm excited to jump on this wagon with ya! And if you need a listening ear, I'm your girl :)

    amanda @ we and serendipity

  2. I kind of rolled into my freshman year of college with a pile of insecurity and homesickness and emotional anxiety. It was hard for awhile, but then I did adjust. And then I learned how to be independent and love being on my own and it grew me into the best version of myself. I have complete confidence in your ability to tackle it all :) Just remember, "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end."


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