blank'/> Laughing Through the Silences: Not to complain....

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Not to complain....

Take note: This post isn't absolutely necessary to read. You don't have to read it if you don't want to. It's more like a...journal entry? It's kind of a sad, pathetic vent.

I remember those days. The ones when I was happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm still "happy." It's just different. I just remember when I was happy happy. I don't mean WAY back then, like Kindergarten days. Those were happy days, but I mean even more recently. I'm talking, like, last summer. Last summer was the best summer of my life. I had the time of my life. I was so spontaneous. I am still a little bit like that now, in small ways. But, there is a pain inside me. One that's not necessary. Nor is it welcome. It shouldn't be there. I still have fun, but for some reason, that pain will still be there once I'm done having fun. How much longer will it be there? I don't know. No matter how much I try to pretend like I'm happy, I still feel it. 
Maybe it's just how silly emotional I am. For example, I got kicked out of the lunch line today for "cutting." (For the record, I didn't cut today. I will admit that I did it the other day, but I actually didn't today. It just appeared as if I did). Anywho, it happened to me the other day and I was upset. But, when it happened to me again today, I almost started bawling. Necessary? I think not. 
Maybe it's hormones. This sadness does tend to get a little worse around certain times of the month. But, still, I'm pretty sure that that isn't the only factor.
Maybe it is the fact that I no longer have a best friend living here. What am I to do? The best friend that I've ever had in my life, Lauren, moved this summer. Was I extremely bummed? Well, define bummed. If you think that crying nonstop for weeks is bummed, then yes, I was/am. Do I still sometimes cry? I may or may not. Well, actually, yes. Yes, I do. How could I not? I am more emotional than the average human being. Even more than the average teenaged girl, if you can believe that.
I've never hated school before. Not until this year. I dread going to school everyday because I wonder who is going to actually listen to me or eat lunch with me and whatnot. I still have friends, but they all have their own best buds or "cliques." Well, my best bud no longer lives here, so can I borrow someone, please? I sound horribly pessimistic and I don't like it. So, I'm going to stop now. Thanks for listening to/reading my vent.

5 comments:

  1. I love you Berkah. <3
    Let's have a movie night, yes?

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  2. Yes please. Soon. Very soon.

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  3. Bexx, forever love dearest.
    my heart goes out to you girl.
    *cyber hug*

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  4. You can come be a part of my "clique" any time you want! :) I just love your sweet guts to teeny tiny pieces! :)

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  5. Thanks, guys. You are super nice people. :) I'm glad that you are my bloggie buddies.

    ReplyDelete

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